Why Do (Butch) Lesbians Hate Men? – A Real Question From A Straight Male Reader

Real change is worth any price, my friends.

This is a conversation that came to me via email from a reader. I loved his questions and he has legitimate concerns. I have always been one of the guys and like men…but I know lesbians who don’t. I thought that my readers could weigh-in on this?

Hi Jesse,

First off I want to say I am very impressed with your blog and your fight for gay rights YEAH!!!!. I believe in marriage between two people and have been fighting the good fight here in Minnesota, under our “Vote No” campaign.

I’m writing to you in terms of personal inquiry. I’m open to everything and closed to nothing. The lens in which I see the world is one in which everyone has the true freedom to express how they are. As I read your blog and about you, I see that your true to yourself and have personal freedom in who you are, whether or not someone agrees with you. It breaks my heart to read those crimes against you for being your true self. Truth of the matter is so many judgements take place on a daily basis it’s scary. I’m not in your shoes and could never pretend to be, I know judgements about yourself are passed your way through stares, looks, words and hate daily. It is my dream that everyone accepts each person for who they are at the end of the day I believe everyone must come together and make everything work to be great. I believe we will get to this point. If not now as society evolves.

I just have a question from you as I encounter what I would be the butch lesbian or lesbians in general….why do I encounter from the butch lesbian her constant hate and vitriol for men. I don’t understand, its the biggest construction and judgement I have ever encocuntered and my efforts to unite and make the world a better place fall on deaf ears as I am constantly stereotyped as a piece of shit, or untrustworthy. Why is my intuition and inquired knowledge of how butch women feel about men so negative. I ask for your intelligence and why this happens as I have sought out others who can’t give me a solid answer. My soul constructs it and explains it to me in terms of what some men do to women. I am always going to judged? Are my intentions never going to be assummed to be good? I feel so judged by the butch lesbian as a threat, when I want to be a uniting force.

An answer to the questions, would help me understand better, and when I have a deeper understanding my understanding can change and I can understand the deeper lying issues. I find myself taking this personally even though I pride myself on being who I am and not letting others judge me. Their is a giant barrier that I have never been able to break down, I have only been able to break down the barrier with time and on an individual basis.

Sincerely With Love,
“Steve”

PS I love dogs too. Hope yours are well. Dogs are the truest creatures of love, it loves you no matter what.

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Dear Steve,

I love this question. First of all, thanks for reading my blog and I am more than happy to try to answer your question.

First of all, I’m aware that some lesbians (particularly butch lesbians) seem to have an issue with men. There might be a lot of reasons for that. None of which are really good answers, as they aren’t necessarily fair to guys like you.

To begin with, there is more than one type of butch lesbian. There are soft butches, butches, stone butches and transsexuals who often start off as very butch lesbians that are now becoming male. This may begin to give you a little insight.

Soft butches normally don’t have many issues with men, unless they were raped or otherwise tortured by guys…Steve, this happens a lot. In my case, I’ve put up with men hitting on my girlfriends right in front of me on purpose. I’ve put up with people trying to ‘set my gf’s up on dates with men’ because they couldn’t understand why a woman would want a woman who looks and acts like a guy…’why not just date men?’ It is really a stupid question to ask, yet society asks it all the time.

What happens, I believe, is that men and butch lesbians are ‘set-up’ in a sort of false competition. It sounds stupid but it is true. Also, because of the way that they may have been treated by men in the past (I know women who got raped simply because they were a lesbian), this can lead to a lot of animosity. Butch lesbians sort of have a bad taste in their mouth about men in general.As I said before, it isn’t right. It isn’t fair. I hope that you might be able to understand it a little now?

I’d like to post this all on my blog, with your permission? Perhaps some other lesbians can chime in? I’d like you to actually see what others feel!

Jesse

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Dear Jesse,

Feel free to post on your blog. Just use a different name please…how about Steve. Great perspective. I have more questions to come….if you don’t mind answering. Thanks for helping me understand. If you could also do a link and reminder to the Vote No campaign in Minnesota it would greatly appreciated.

With Love,

“Steve”

Ps in 20 years you and I can talk to our kids about the cultural change and movement towards equality that we worked for and that will be a great day.

As you requested, Steve : http://www.facebook.com/votenominnesota